Monday, January 5, 2009

Mein Gott, it's a tattoo!

And not just any fershlugginer tattoo, O Reader. It's emblazoned on a haunch! A juicy, curvaceous haunch! One belonging to a female person, no less! And--get this--the tattoo artist doesn't even have a penis! CALL YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD GLOBE REPORTER, STAT!

Behold, in today's Boston Globe, a classic example of that eternal evergreen, that trendalicious titillater, that freshly-springing font of copy, the "Women Do ____" Story. Thank you, Yoon S. Byun, for calling to our attention the incredible--nay, newsworthy--fact that the women of Boston are loose in the streets, posing as tattooers and tattooees both.

Like most "Women Do" stories, Byun's paean to female inkslinging contains a splendid specimen of The Pointless Female Exceptionalism Quote (PFEQ). Right up top, too. In case you were wondering what earthly difference it could possibly make what kind of junk the inky wretch carving "MOTHER" into your ass possesses.

"[He] was very chatty and nice," says Priddy. "But Sharon and I talk about girly things: her family, my family, the intricacies of family."

Family chitchat, vagina-Americans and tattooing, together at last!

We also get to meet another stock "Women Do" character, the Post-Feminist Pollyanna (PFP). Here we have the sadly deluded Eva Huber, thinking people will care how good she is at her job or something.

"I would like to think I get more customers because they like my work," she says. "I don't like to play up the fact that I'm a girl in a male-dominated industry. I'd like them to look at my portfolio and a man's portfolio and make a decision on the work, not on the gender."

Bzzzzt! Thanks for playing, Eva! Sure, you can make tattoo needles and tile floors and you're an artist and whatever. But everybody knows your genitalia are your defining characteristic. You can read it in the Globe every day.

As always, gentle reader--"It Is Not Done Well; But You Are Surprised To Find It Done At All."

1 comment:

  1. Haven't they ever heard of Kat Von Deese & L.A. Ink?