Automotive Harlotry

On the front page of Boston.com, in the Cars section:

FORGET THE CARS
These women truly own the auto show stage - the cars are but a backdrop.

Women in auto shows? Mais c'est impossible, ca! Fear not, Reader, there are not actually any women doing anything important at the auto show in Geneva. Click on through to the Cars page and all will be right with the world again.

FORGET THE CARS IN GENEVA
Sex and cars have always been a winning sales formula. Have a look at all the pizazz on the auto show floor.

Of course! That's what women are for. What a relief. But it gets better! Check out the slideshow, Girls of the 2009 Geneva Auto Show:

The overused phrase "sex sells" was probably coined by the automotive industry, and it's been used over and over to make men pay attention to its products. Put a pair of high heels in front of a Tata Nano or any sort of ugly, undesirable car, and they will notice.

Whether in print and television advertising or on the auto show floor, attractive females (and very occasionally, males) never fail to present a glamorous image. It's comforting, then, to know that style and sex are two things automakers won't cut from their budgets.

- Clifford Atiyeh, Boston.com Staff

Thank you, Clifford Atiyeh, for once again putting your finger on the pulse of Boston. How comforting the misogyny is to us all in these brutal times. Like a favorite pair of warm, woolly, women-hating slippers.



And who is in that unforgettable photo on the front page? Faceless, identical, with their milky limbs spilling out of the open door of a coupe like a couple of lissome harlots sculpted in plasticine? Oh yes! It's Gettysluts!

Gettysluts!

Sexting. It's rampaging throughout the land. It's burning up the pages of your local newspaper. And it's exacting a terrible, terrible price from our young people.

I'm talking, of course, about Getty models. Sloe-eyed and mild, they gaze at us from the pages of our great nation's newspapers, shining like vacant beacons of sluttery for all mankind. Who are they? NO ONE KNOWS.

There are all kinds of good reasons why newspapers use Gettysluts instead of running actual teen sexting pix in the newspaper. For one thing, it's a family newspaper. (Never mind that nobody under 60 actually reads it.) For another thing, it's like running a giant ad that says SUE US, PLEASE. And for a third, the last sexpic anybody ever personally sent your average newspaper editor was probably a vaguely dirty playing card in 1973.

And so it continues: the wretched trade in human flesh and dreams. Skanks, sexters, MySpace addicts, cutters--for every species of wayward teen there is a Gettyslut. Who are these nameless harlots? Are they lured to pose for us with promises of puppies and Snickers bars? Are they destined for a life of shame? Are they all really 27-year-old waitresses with SAG cards and nose jobs?


Their faces are blurred with shame, but their knees are suspiciously well-defined. (momlogic.com/Getty)




What a ho. (InjuryBoard.com/iStockphoto)



Oh God! It's a sext! Someone call her parents. (Charleston Post and Courier)




What body part is depicted here? Does it belong to a squid? There's no shame in that. (Salon)




Sexting: It's not just for 27-year-olds in acid-wash overalls anymore. (Slate)



Here we see that peculiar shade of blue that signifies high-tech, mental rot, and young libidos gone astray. (CBS/iStockphoto)




I thought about omitting this one for decency's sake, but you should know what your children are up to. (Considering Homeschooling)

FYI, here's a sample Getty model contract. (PDF alert!)